Eons ago, man’s Paleozoic ancestors fought the swells and seas, scrambling ashore to chance a new life on dry land.  Immediately the hammers of nature began to act just as in océans primordial, molding, splitting and smashing this predecessory into new and wonderful species.  It goes without saying that many of these did not make it – victims of the churning wheels of extinction – but the few that did found change to be the disorder of the day.

Brains grew larger, feet grew more numerous and things got a lot more crowded.

A very select few decided crawling was for chumps and shattered paradigm by standing upright.  Modern anthropology has measured their skulls, dated their bones and marked these bipedal Australopiths as a most-likely candidate for the “We’ll Be Humans Someday!” award.  While biologically significant, science was quick to assume that the genus would bear no cultural or intellectual insight to modern man and neatly filed them away in the halls of academia.

However, a recent find in North America has left these assumptions in the proverbial Pliocenic dust…

It appears a minor sub-species of the genus – Australopithecus surfecus – may have outpaced his contemporaries by several orders of magnitude.  He formed communities, developed a division of labor to separate tasks among the “tribe” and pioneered the use of tools.  And as if these weren’t achievement enough, Australosurfecus seemed to push these advancements in the pursuit of the most worthy of goals – to make surf music!

Needless to say, these findings have shaken the scientific community to its empiric core, but leading anthropologists have identified three fundamental divisions in the tribe:

The Drumbuie –  The hammering, tribal core of the trio, responsible for sending his primal rhythms thundering through the valleys of the modern musical landscape.

The Low Frequency Echo-communicator –  Uses his opposable thumbs to their utmost potential by communicating through rigorous grooves that are more felt than heard.  Can simultaneously lock into both the tribal fury of the aforementioned Drumbuie and…

The Six-string Sapien –  Has taken to playing only in large caves along treacherous shorelines – scientists speculate this allows him to experience the music in the full, reverberate glory as nature intended.

Now, after wandering the terrestrial ages, mankind returns to the very seas he crawled out of eons ago… only this time, he’s bringing guitars!